Dear Universe

AreYouThereGod may be found at the following website: http://www.eatthebooks.com

AreYouThereGod may be found at the following website: http://www.eatthebooks.com

OK, so I almost wanted to call this post Are You There God, It’s Me, Margaret. Anyone else remember this young girls’ coming-of-age book? And to think when I read it back in the day, I was only terrified of getting my period for the first time, growing boobs, and wearing a bra. If only life were this simple.

Turns out that life is much more than that.

I do have one piece of good news to report. I had my second clean chiropractic scan tonight. It had been a long 10 days since I was miraculously clear after the box purge. Because I was so clear, I received a minimal adjustment. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. Let’s see if I can stay clear for the next 14 days, as my next visit isn’t until August 13.

Now to the not-so-good news. For this, I have written a letter to the Universe.

Dear Universe,

So yeah, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. At least according to Kelly Clarkson. But this song is so 2011-2012. It’s 2014. Cut me a freaking break already. 

Don’t you think I have had enough life’s strength training? I promise to utilize what I have learned and keep working out on my own if you could please just let up on me a teeny tiny bit. I have a fitbit, you know. You can track my ass.

Is it because you are still testing me? Trust me, I could bench press a Hummer right now. What have I done to deserve this?

Maybe you think I’m a cool, single crazy cat lady. Of course this is true, but seriously. Where are humans when you need them? Where is the love?

Or is it because you are trying to save me? Could it be that I need to trust you, trust life? It’s just so damned hard to do it all alone.

Please bring back the simple life, like periods, boobs, and bras, K? I’d be good with an old-fashioned game of Spin The Bottle, too.

Holding out for a hero,
Beth

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A girl, her work dog, and her salon: tonight’s affirmations

Winery View

Today I spent a work break taking in the beauty that is Napa Valley along with one of our winery dogs. I am blessed to live and work in such a beautiful locale.

Tonight was also salon night, which meant more down time. Instead of spending time on my iPhone, I spent more time thinking and enjoying real human interaction with my two stylists.

Often I keep going nonstop to keep from thinking and feeling, but today I took time out of my day twice to reflect on what’s good and what isn’t in my personal life. Time away from technology can be very powerful. I came to the conclusion that I need to make some decisions: what to keep, what to let go.

I’m not good at letting go. I typically forge ahead in life, for better or for worse, often wiping back tears of anger and sadness in the process, but not letting go because I don’t want to be a quitter. I try to give everyone and everything the benefit of the doubt. This has to change. When I say to myself, “I can’t take this anymore,” I need to listen and take action.

I did make one decision: to keep growing out my hair. I know, women and our hair. I also saved money because the stylist that cuts my hair doesn’t charge for trimming bangs, taking off weight, or shaping. (Don’t worry, I still tipped her as if I had paid her.)

The good news is that because I’m single, I can make decisions for myself without having to consider a spouse or significant other. The bad news is that I’m single and would love to have someone with whom to share my innermost thoughts and feelings.

This has nothing at all to do with the past. My heart is not happy tonight. I hate to go to bed with a heavy heart, so perhaps if I write down some affirmations, some of the weight will be lifted and I can move ahead.

These first affirmations come from The Daily Love emails I receive. I kept these because they rang true.

I am committed to growing my standards.
I am worth Love.
I am honest about how I feel without needing to justify it.
I am worthy of being with someone I can trust.
I am provided for as I set healthy boundaries.
Life supports all my decision to love myself.

These next affirmations are my own.

I am worthy.
I am enough.
I am strong.
I will not settle.
I am not second best, second choice, second anything.
I will not be put on the back burner.
I will be treated with kindness and respect.
I will always do my best and give my all.
I will not put all of my eggs in one basket.
I always have a choice in any situation, no matter who or what is to blame.
I will surround myself with people who value, encourage, and support me.
I will treat others as I would like to be treated.
My time is important.
My heart is not a toy.
Someone, someday, will think I am quite a catch.

What affirmations would you add to my list? What are your strategies for letting go?

Love,
Beth

The Mind-Body Connection

I am writing this post to thank him for sending me my belongings back and to thank my chiropractic team. If it weren’t for last week’s craziness, I might still be struggling with my physical pain and progress and my inability to keep moving forward.

However, the mind has a funny way of affecting the human body. On Thursday, July 17 afternoon, I took my life back and let go of the past by throwing these belongings away. Early evening that same day, I had an appointment with my chiropractor. He told me how tight I was in my middle back. He administered a powerful adjustment.

Tonight, four days later, my chiropractic scan was the clearest it has been in the two months since I started. In fact, I didn’t receive an adjustment at all tonight it was so clear. We had a four-week assessment session and I am now scheduled for adjustments once per week instead of twice per week. Even more interesting is that my affirmations for this session were, “I have forgiven. I’m letting go.” My chiropractor said she could even see this improvement in my face and my eyes. I was so profoundly affected by this visit that I couldn’t sit still resting for 15 minutes like I was supposed to. I was too excited about this breakthrough.

If you are someone who is still skeptical of the mind-body connection or the importance of love and spirituality in one’s life, then I encourage you to consider this as evidence that what we feel affects how we feel. I also recommend considering chiropractic care as a means to relieve physical pain and open yourself up to change, progress, and an improved quality of life.

Love,
Beth

Real Closure, If There Is Such A Thing

Goodbye, old life!

Goodbye, old life!

This is my follow-up post regarding the boxes that my ex-boyfriend sent back to me after two years.

My life is completely different than it was two years ago. I no longer have the same profession and I no longer live in the same state or even on the same coast. I haven’t seen what was in those boxes for over two years.

Therefore, with some encouragement from a dear friend, I followed my intuition. I didn’t open the boxes, but instead opted to get rid of them. I was actually dreading opening them, so I knew it was the right decision in spite of some protest from others. Sure, there were some clothes I had missed having. However, I didn’t need them or anything else contained within.

The words my friend said to me that morning on the phone still resonate in my head: You have everything you need.

I must keep moving forward. For me, that meant not backsliding by opening the boxes. I love myself too much to revisit any heartache. I have come so far on my own and I am stronger than I have ever been in my life.

If there’s anything I have been reminded of this week, it’s that every day, we get to choose. Most of what “happens” to us is an opportunity to choose differently. Choose yourself first, choose to let go, choose to defy gravity. Don’t allow the past to prevent you from soaring.

Love,
Beth

Closure

My stuff

My stuff

Today is the day I think my heart needed. I received 101 pounds of clothes and belongings that my ex-boyfriend had kept from me for reasons unknown to anyone but him. For over TWO YEARS.

I don’t know what prompted my reaction, but when my boss told me who sent the boxes, instead of crying, I laughed. I honest to God laughed out loud. I think I laughed out of sheer shock.

I will never understand why he did what he did to me two years ago or why he waited so long to return my what was mine, but inside I finally feel like I get to choose. I get to decide what to keep, what to throw away, and what to donate. Freedom of choice is a powerful thing.

It’s astounding how 101 pounds of stuff that doesn’t really matter has lifted a huge weight off of my heart.

I have tears of joy in my eyes. I have closure. I have control. I’ve got this.